| asdf |
[25 May 2006|06:48pm] |
asdfasfdsdfsd IM 21
!!11
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| Garbage |
[19 Mar 2004|03:34am] |
the tinny crash of the garbage men's early dash
cleaning, clearing, cleansing the past
hasting cowardly in the black
to avoid the neighborhood's blind upper caste
before their discordant dismissal
adds to the trash
with each alarming metallic plea,
they empty the innocent of the streets
and rob the naive of heart of their dreams
glassy light leaks through early lids
and rapes the thoughts of dreamy lover's trysts
and steals the conscience of unconscious confidence
i'm slowly becoming aware of my surroundings
my brown wool blanket like burly suntanned fists
my gingham lumpy pillow inconsistent as your myths
i wake and immediately wish to sleep again
i do not know where comforting dreams end
i do not know where your twisted reality begins
somewhere peeking over the horizon, i'm guessing
plaguing my emotions and binding your blessing
to a soul-sputtered, meager, rude-awakening question
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[14 Feb 2004|03:58am] |
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cold hearted asshole
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| Sketches of a Winter Dream |
[10 Feb 2004|09:27pm] |
hands hands hands
holding them through the street
an angry yellow crawler comes quick and you move me out of its way
pulling my hand and my body with a swing
then you smile, the looking down smile
the wicked slanted grin that means you're teasing me again.
grin grin grin
wicked
i've never been looked at like that before
i've never been looked at like that before
just that slanted wicked grin mirroring the streetlights
dirty streets, homeless men, wheelchaired veterans
wicked grin wicked grin grinning wickedly
arm in arm, safe from harm, untouchable
cannot be touched
except by you
sparkling rainbow massive monument to capitalism and jesus all in one--
it means people and love and pain all in one
everything felt in a thousand foot canvas brushed evergreen...
you took me and you showed me through new eyes, newborn eyes of freedom, of partnership, of exclusive partnered freedom
i'd told you i was a virgin to its sight
and you showed me
and you showed me, and you took me, and you kissed me
right there, in front of everyone
for the world to see
you kissed me sweetly
it was short but it spun me completely
that was the first time i knew...
and then we trekked back
slowly, picking up slack of traveler's concerns that are dead to us, because we are perfect and happy and consumed by our content fervor.
content murmurs
on a slow silent bus ride
nuzzle cuddle heads in a huddle
palm on a thigh
peck on the head
perfect perfect wickedly sweet and perfect
thats the first time i knew
thats when i found me in you in the white fuzzy background and you in me in this dangerous consistency of blurred images and shifting lives and bending lines.
people and weather and buildings hurry by in a grayish haze, ignorant and perfectly unaware
of what they are witnessing, what they are creating, what they essentially are a part of...
but we ignore them too, we ignore their haste and take our time, slow-motion, they all dissapear.
they are simply pedestrians, perpetually pursuing the dream we're already living.
we became the color, the lights, the centerstage of happiness that night.
and that's the first time i knew.
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| Sketches of a You-Me Winter |
[10 Feb 2004|09:17pm] |
hands hands hands
holding them through the street
an angry yellow crawler comes quick and you move me out of its way
pulling my hand and my body with a swing
then you smile, the looking down smile
the wicked slanted grin that means you're teasing me
grin grin grin
wicked
i've never been looked at like that before
i've never been looked at like that before
just that slanted wicked grin mirroring the streetlight
dirty streets, homeless men, wheelchaired veterans
wicked grin wicked grin grinning wickedly
arm in arm, safe from harm, untouchable
cannot be touched
except by you
sparkling rainbow massive monument to capitalism and christianity and people and love and season all in one
everything good in a thousand foot stick
you took me you showed me through new eyes, newborn eyes of freedom, of partnership, of exclusive partnered freedom
i'd told you i was a virgin to its sight
and you showed me
and you showed me, and you took me, and you kissed me
right there, in front of everyone
for the world to see
you kissed me sweetly
it was short but it was still sweetly
that was the first time i knew...
and then we trekked back
slowly, picking up slack of traveler's concerns that are dead to us, because we are perfect and happy and consumed by our content fervor, content murmurs
on a slow silent bus ride
nuzzle cuddle heads in a huddle
palm on a thigh
peck on the head
perfect perfect wickedly sweet and perfect
thats the first time i knew
thats when i found me in you in the white fuzzy background, pedestrians perpetually pursuing the dream we're already living
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| Oh Ryan |
[20 Jan 2004|01:29am] |
lying in folds of soft coverlets and lush leaves
i tried to hide from your hunt
but i'm left face to face with your thoughts and divulging curiousity
pondering chastity
as both my soft daughter hands fit comfortably in yours
as you breathe softly and think heavily
and touch gently and kiss passionately-
and inhale the brush surrounding me-
and yes you snuck up on me but my zenith caused no leave
and you showed me pleiades but i want you to show me
your skies indisclosed of the prowess's vies
your grapes of fire and heaven's mother are contradictions--
you nurse war yet you brush the stars in virgin's eyes
this aside,
i still want to show you all of me, the soul of the seven seas,
the true companion of artemis,
and i know you'll love it all and devour me whole
and i want to feel you quiver and shake and i want to be crushed under your weight
the weight of the world my father's forever felt
the weight of clandestine eyes and vulnerable, warm lips and voracious feels
the weight of the first one to deserve to heal the surreal and my thirst for zeal
you deserve all of me all of this so impound me with your guiless bliss
you deserve all of me all of this so satiate me with your kiss
grasp my fingers as we embrace, cosmic union, breach of reality-
you showed me pleiades and now you've felt me universes
the bull is four hundred and twenty-five light years away and opens spring's seas,
with the scorpion chasing him and snatching at his sleeves
but YOU are free--
free to be right next to me, and you commence my existence and feel my purpose truly
you vivified the big bang and began the beginnings and brought me to life
you sunk your honest teeth in and did it just in time,
donning your belt in effigy of what we have been,
and showing me the missing piece is found when i look up
and the missing candence is your braided flock of doves;
the moon our resting place far above hunters and sailors and jealous loves
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| Uncles |
[26 Dec 2003|10:43pm] |
knock on wood, the bad luck's true
on both sides the family in ruins
one done in by heroin,
what you did to mother's sister a sin
always disappearing, always cheating
abandoning a sad pregnant woman
a "very good guy" can do very bad things
then there's the veteran
you saw steaming death at Tonkin
heart collapsed, you turned to Him
you were born-again
faith high but sanity paper thin
every week we recieve a note
reminding us of our sins
you're trying to save us from Hell again
and the alcoholic, the ex-stockbroker man
could have had it all but alas you gave in
couldn't be saved by AA or kind kin
sweet godfather, where have you been?
arizona, california, nevada, and prison?
haven't seen you since i was ten,
and now you're location is unknown again
it's not fair to me that you might be dead
knock on wood, the bad luck's true
on both sides the family in ruins
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| "Political Chat at 6AM" |
[14 Dec 2003|04:24pm] |
'i walked out in highschool because of iraq,'
i tell you, thinking you would admire me.
you growl and answer 'i hate activists all they do is cause trouble'
'but protesting is our birthright,
our liberty handed to us by the bill of rights
it's what makes this country great'
'they only give you that right because we'd fill the jails with ignorants if we arrested the damn complainers. they never have anything useful to say, and are always wrong'
'so you are saying all those things protested
should not be pondered or questioned...'
'yeah. vietnam, iraq, gay rights. useless. stop arguing with public opinion. you have to sacrifice the minority in a capitalistic society'
'so what about the twenties? were they wrong then?
should we not have granted the vote to women?
should drugs be legal, and abortion too?
just for the seldom needy few?
and union strikes--
for human rights should we not fight?
should birth control never have been brought to light?
should there still be slaves on The Railroad tonight?'
your eyes widen.
i gave you too much to swallow.
but instead of conceding your idiotic comments,
you say:
"mexicans are the modern day slaves--things will never ever change"
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| 03.//12.14 morning sickness |
[14 Dec 2003|03:56pm] |
naive ignorance, morning sickness
waken early to see you on tv
to see you poked and prodded like an animal
tangles of fallen society mangled in your beard
empty wrinkled hands and dimpled forlorn forehead
you look lost, scared
you used to have it all, you weren't prepared
you look so harmless, so dull, so dead
i wish i could get inside of your head
i'm sorry your lambchops had to die,
but they were sons of the slaughter too
i'm sorry we couldn't have gotten along,
but we were all waiting for the other shoe
to drop to its knees
to be found in some cave, tending to slaves
premonitioned heart failure
would nevertheless be saved
saved saved saved saved saved saved from you
captured, caught, enslaved.
for justice? love? Crusades?
shout your chants victorious,
but this again i'll say
you can kill a man--
but ideas don't decay
confused, misused, obey
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| 3:45AM on sunday... it's time for mass |
[12 Nov 2003|10:05pm] |
the ashes of passion still fresh on my flesh
the rain's acid kiss pours on my wounds--
weakening the pain and tarnishing the rouge
i walk to the white church on the corner
storms raging on my pretty little head
i stand in front of the altar
and can taste the catholic fervor long dead
i take in the glimmer of a neon cross on the roof
and i can feel the crucifixion of a people misled
and i confess
my "sins"
and i "forgive"
for him
and i promise
"i'll change"
and i "resist"
the fame
i repent and
i am
saved
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[12 Nov 2003|09:27pm] |
the ashes of passion still fresh on my flesh
the rain's acid kiss pours on my wounds
weakening the pain and tarnishing the rouge
i walk to the church on the corner
storms raging on my pretty little head
i stand in front of altar
i take in the glimmer of a neon cross on the roof
and i confess
and i repent
and i forgive
i'm heavensent
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| I Feel Pretty |
[07 Nov 2003|04:17pm] |
--1--
waking up to a new day, i'm already contemplating
how i'll make it through, how i'll miss death again
and i just feel so pretty
the foundation is applied liberally,
the lipstick is perfect, and the eyeliner
frames my eyes cautiously, concentrating on the meaning
the cheeks are rouged, trying to create
a false sense of cheer, of flush, of life
the dress is strategic, begging curiousity to impound it
begging eyes to scour it and think dirty thoughts
and the iron is hot, and twists my hair like magic
turning the limp and sour
bright and tragic
i'm trying to be your heroine
i'm trying to be perfect
and i feel pretty
--2--
and i make my graceful exit with no one but the mirrors to see
they judge me, they impale me with doubts
but i bite my tongue and repeat
"pretty pretty pretty" in my lightheaded thoughts
but as i stride my conscious fails
im going through the motions but i feel nothing
not even the pretty sun or the pretty faces,
the faces that look at me, they stare,
they wonder who i am and where i'm going:
"where is that pretty girl heading?
i bet shes venturing towards the arms of a prince.
just look at her grace.
take notice of her porcelain face.
i bet she's really happy."
and i envy their fleeting thoughts,
praying for their permanence in my reality
but they aren't permeating my thick, lotioned, pampered skin
--3--
and on the horizon, i see him
ive been begging for his pretty eyes,
begging for his hands as prizes to add to my shelf of empty conquers
he didn't notice me last year,
but today his face lights up and his hands fidget
his eyes wander
they look once
twice
three times... and its set in stone
the competition for his attention is won
if i finally caught him by surprise,
obviously my pattern of behaviors over the past months are the cause
and what i'm doing CAN'T be wrong
i feel victorious
and god he makes me feel pretty
--4--
i walk away prettily, and in celebration of my defeat
i pull out my reward
a single cracker
i nibble at it, admiring the grains of salt
that resemble diamonds and dreams
though small, it satiates me and i smile
and i feel pretty
until the reality hits me of my act
and i fear the consequences
the ounce will lead to pounds, inches, and ugliness and fear and aloneness...
i want to stay pretty
so i glide to the nearest beautiful building,
my boots echoing in the empty halls
and they click on the hard linoleum tiles,
creating a symphony of foreshadowing
i know what i'm going to do and i'm not scared
beacuse i'm oh so pretty
(the pretty pang of an empty body
the gorgeous sting of vapid thoughts of
a feeling of control in a senseless world)
i lock the door and turn to my throne
my bony, beautiful knees grace the valiant floor
my polished, smooth hands dance on the walls
and my glorious hair hangs in my face
i look down at the pretty, porcelain, shiny surface
that ironically resembles my hallowing cheeks,
i close my damp, gorgeous eyes and i let go
the exit of my regrets and mistakes is swift
and exhilirating
i feel alive
as parts of me dissapear, so does my fear
i'm young, immortal, never changing
i'll forever stay here
i'll forever stay pretty
untouchable, courageous, beautiful, classic
i've conquered my body, my thirst, my need
i require nothing and no one
i have power over matter, power over nature, power over God
and i am oblivious to all internal pain
i can't be hurt anymore
i sit up and smile
i'm empty and balance is restored...
and i just feel so happy
i just feel so goddamned pretty
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| La Tua Piaggia |
[27 Oct 2003|08:59pm] |
The last time it rained like this,
you stole my hand with a holy palmer's kiss.
We escaped the hot basement
and ran through the yard like children in bliss.
The raindrops felt like sunshine,
though the clock read way past midnight.
They fell mercilessly on our foreheads
and on our cheeks they slid swiftly and light.
You took my laughing picture to my delight
as the little warm universes melted my avid sight.
Not fifteen days later, we paint a different picture.
Weeks ago the rain, like your smile, was warm.
But tonight my hopes are clouded and I'm walking all alone.
Now ice falls like shards of glass-
the cold daggers you had stab me in the back.
Our connection--whatever it was--has died.
You blamed, you shamed, you lied.
Where I used to dance in your honest eyes and comforting showers,
I now run inside and hide
from the pouring pain you more recently applied.
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[25 Oct 2003|10:08pm] |
once again i l o o k t o t h e s t a r s for comfort--
but this time im wishing for a nameless faceless man.
i'm not even asking for true love--
nothing matters as long as
you d o n ' t l e a v e b e f o r e s u n r i s e and look deep into my eyes and see me.
[i too have suffered the atrocity of sunsets]
don't i deserve a smooth recovery?
i mean, i haven't had a dream in a long long time...
oh please God let me get what I want this time...
[ s t a r s d o n ' t f a i l m e ]
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| On Death |
[23 Oct 2003|02:05pm] |
when it rains, it pours
and im feeling a thunderstorm
they say deaths come in threes--
but the casualties have reached at least 15
some friends, some lovers, some strangers
so many cease to breathe, or will never again see
some comatose, some dead to only me, some freshly buried
but my self-pity has to disappear,
becuase you're the sweetheart and the mourner
and all i can do is sit and say i'm sorry,
though i wish i could say more
i wish i knew how to honestly console.
rest in peace.
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| Ugly |
[20 Oct 2003|02:27am] |
i was beautiful one day
i swear, it's true
don't laugh--believe me
and it wasn't even too long ago
my hair was golden
my cheeks were freckled and rosy
and my eyes glistened, and they were happy
it seems like it was only yesterday
that i heralded my reflecion
but it might as well have been a hundred years ago
i've changed that much
i've lost that much youth and pride
the pain, the loss, the regret--
they all undauntingly flow from my eyes,
now flat, dead, undedicated to anything but reproach
my skin is lucid
my legs are shaking
my lips speak putrid
and my heart is shrinking
...and there's nothing i can do
to stop the decay,
to stop the destruction of my beauty
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| Sweetheart, Paramour, Nature, Lover |
[16 Oct 2003|04:39am] |
For some mystical reason, my passion pervades the season.
Spring is eternaly sweet, and makes me wish for a sweetheart to tell me sweet things and touch my arm on the green lawn and kiss my eyelids under oaks' leaves and tell me i'm special as he pins april lilacs to my lustrous strands, sitting in a treehouse holding young hands.
In summer I long for nothing but fleeting affairs. a longing glance here, a dance on sand there--commitment runs shy under the undressed moon, and the heat hastens my ability for deeper care, and i settle for adoration saturated in sinful stare.
Autumn--the epitome of new, of novel unlearned things. I have no patience for confusion, or disillusion, or heartbreak, or tension. The fall months bring a thrilling rush to the mind and invigorating chill to the body, leaving no time to sit and think of love pondering. I am content with my universal love and worldly connection with mother earth.
And then my skin pales, my digits tremble, the dark comes earlier, and the cold comes without mercy. The sky is white, bland and I find no sanction in the naked woods. Huddled in my hermits hole, I shiver, I am crucified by my own speculation, and my thoughts wander to wild, crazy ideas and things. Like the idea of relationships, of a connection deeper than skin and fleshy need. a connection that forces real feelings onto our laps. i pray for a soul mate during these dark months, i pray for someone to fall in love with, to console my chilled thoughts and cradle my cold, milky arms. i pray for resolution.
as of now i am in the darkest hour, piled under the snow of past regrets and heavy feelings of loneliness. my worst fear, ever more wretched than being buried alive in this cold, is my fear of being alone.
four seasons, four of me.
sweetheart, paramour, nature, lover.
winter haunts my soul, and i'm left hiding under covers.
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[15 Oct 2003|09:42pm] |
this refreshing air is making haste
and is pushingourfeelingsuntiltheyBREAK--
we are panting in the chill,
our white puffy clouds of breath are still;
unconscious passengers alfoat
on the ride of our confessions. T
HEY ANNOUNCE THE COMMENCEMENT OF OUR STIFLED PASSION,
OUR CURSED BLESSING.
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| October'fessions |
[13 Oct 2003|11:50pm] |
these accidents,
these hit and runs must be finished, done.
the cat and mouse chase with a boy-and-girl taste
is starting to lose its fun.
all i want to do is take your pampered hand and run,
but you constantly shy away the moment my smile is won.
our feelings are repressed by dignity and scare,
and the resulting depressed actions are difinitively unfair.
they reduce our pushing passion to a rabid child's stare.
this touch and go is getting old,
it's time to acknowledge the approaching affair.
i am pursuaded to speak by the lucid blustery air,
this avengeless autumn cold is begging for your care.
this refreshing air is making haste,
and is pushing our feelings til they break--
panting in the chill,
our white puffy clouds of breath are afloat,
unconcious passengers on the ride of our confessions,
they announce the commencement of our possession.
i just want to feel your chilled, ivory hands upon my waist,
i just want to hear your hot sweet kisses and taste the way they taste.
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